Faith

Faith. We've all heard the word used countless times. "Have a little faith" As sung by many performing artists-originally John Hiatt. Most of us have probably had faith in our daily routines, but have gone unnoticed by this vastly used word because of how often faith crosses our paths.

What does it actually mean though? Im sure everyone has a different definition, but it all comes down to the same thing. LDS.org has 19,197 results about faith. Wikipedia.com says, "Faith is confidence or trust in a person or entity." There is a section in the very back of the Book of Mormon dedicated to the 13 articles of faith alone. A good friend once told me , "Faith is leaping into the darkness and knowing God will either give you something to land on or he will give you wings to fly."

The word faith/faithful are mentioned 7 different times in my patriarchal blessing. Matter of fact, one line states; "You are faithful. God is pleased you are so faithful." Well, I must be good then right?! Having my faith be considered a great blessing, one would surely think, I must KNOW what faith is then. Well, I don't. I can't tell you exactly how faith works. I can't wave a wand around and tell a person they now have faith. However, I can tell them how i use my experiences to help me have faith in times of trials and tribulation.

When I was a young teenager, I was given a project to work on for my personal progress. I was given a seed along with a pot full of soil. For an activity we planted our seed and were told how to properly take care of our plants so they could grow and become strong beautiful flowers. We were then instructed that in a few weeks we would have to talk about how our plants are doing and our experience while growing this flower.

As a few days went by I noticed a tiny little green leaf-like plant starting to show through the soil. Of course, this excited me and made me feel proud. I wanted my flower to be the best. About a week 1/2 after planting my seed, a small sprout had grown about 2" above the soil. It was at this time i decided my plant could grow better if i put it on the patio table. So I did. Then I left to go somewhere with my mother. When i arrived home I ran to go check on my plant. To my devastation, my pot had been blown over and the soil had fallen out and was all over the place. My little sprout was definitely amongst the soil spread about the table. I thought it was hopeless, I was angry at the wind and a little at myself for not stabilizing the area around the plant.

I then decided to say a prayer. I asked Heavenly Father to help my plant make a recovery. Then I quickly and gently put the soil and sprout back into the pot. Then I set it on the ground and put a few rocks around the pot to make sure it had stability around it. After carefully monitoring my plant for a few more weeks, a beautiful white flower emerged. At this time I transported it to the flower bed in my parents yard and enjoyed it for its time.

I don't know if my flower would have been saved had i not said a prayer, but because I trusted in the Lord that through his power my flower would make full recovery, my faith was strengthened. Not only did I witness my patience through waiting for this seed to grow, but i also learned that a stable ground is a safe place to put your faith.

I cannot say my faith is perfect all of the time. Some days are better than others. Sometimes it has to be broken down in order to be built stronger. What I can say is that faith is the seed we plans and know that through time and perseverance, a beautiful soul will emerge. A testimony is made and it is used as the many building blocks on what our Gospel is made of.

Faith. Such a simple word, but so complicated to many who hear it. Only through the Lord and time can it be tested to its full capacity and born into the souls of many who will then develop their own definition of faith.

A conversation with God.

Me: Lord, please help me to be stronger, and to make better choices. Please help me to become the person that you need me to be.

God: Alright. Thy will be done, So long as you are prepared.

This is the part where I ask for something and I don't see the answer to the prayer until after I've had to take my piece of humble pie off the table of humility. I know that what I'm currently going through is a definite struggle, but after some recollection of what I've prayed about in the past, I can now see where I missed the conversation. I'm not saying that I don't keep my heart open because then I wouldn't be learning anything. I just think I have an idea of what I might want to hear, so I miss the actual answer. Or when I receive an answer, I sometimes get a funny look on my face and think
"uh...are you sure about that?"

After I miss the answer, or I just don't figure it out as quickly this is usually how it goes..

Me: Lord, my trials are getting hard. My burdens are heavy. I am not sure how much more I can take. I am feeling weak. Father, help me through this struggle.

God: My child, I am here for you, never forget. You asked me to make you stronger. The burdens may be heavy, but they will build you stronger and help you when you need to be your strongest. Hold onto the rod. Do not forget that this is all to better you. I know who you are, and who you are to become. Keep enduring, the fog will clear so long as you keep your faith in my hands.

I know trials are what builds faith and character. Without them, we wouldn't be able to move forward. We wouldn't learn and become better. If we were handed everything and never had a trial to face, or a leap to take, there would not be a plan of salvation. We would not have a Gospel to live by. We would not be here. God gave us the earth to learn, to progress, and to become the spiritual beings he intended on us becoming. He has a plan, included in his plan are trials because we need them to learn and to find out the truth of the Gospel and most of all, to build our relationship with our Heavenly Father so that it becomes so strong that the adversary trembles at the sight because he knows that bond cannot be broken once eternal salvation is reached.

I am often praying to the Lord to help me become better. I know I have my flaws and I know I can always improve on what I choose to do with my time. I'm no where near perfect and I know my perfection will only start to show through when I get to the other side. Sometimes I get so caught up in the world I tend to forget that I have prayed for help to become better, and then I feel bad because I know that I can pray as much as I want and the Lord hears my prayers and I know he wants to answer them and he wants to help me, but the problem is that I'm not doing anything on my part to make this happen. So I am trying.

Energize me

I have always been a fan of the law of attraction. "What you think is what you are". In my study of the law of attraction, a friend introduced me to chakras, which are the energy our body produces. For a while, I was really into studying and using them to my best knowledge. It did become difficult at times, but for as simple as it was, I kept trying.

When I came back to the church and started applying the gospel into my life, my law of attraction, and chakra studies became small and dusty. Although I would say, for the most part, I do still believe they are true. I do know that from my experiences, using positive thinking, brings positive happenings. As for the energy of chakras, yes I do believe we have an energy source within us. However, I am not 100% on the entirety of it being chakras. Just because I only know the surface of them, I don't know a whole lot about them.

With the Gospel of Jesus Christ, law of attraction, and chakra energy, I know amazing things can come about from using all 3 of them in ones life. Someday I would really like to write a book on how those 3 things can bring a positive influence into ones life.

There have been quite a few fire outbreaks here in Utah. It has been getting scary. There was one from a few days ago that looked like a volcano had exploded! It was close to my uncles house, who just so happens to be in europe right now. So with it being close to his house, that's when it started getting close to home. ( no pun intended) so throughout the past weeks, in church , at family gatherings, and all over Facebook, there have been countless prayers asking the lord for rain to put the fires out. The weather outlook said "mostly cloudy, lightening storms, slight chance of rain. " So as it was getting closer to these storms, I could feel the energy of the world praying positively for rain. Today, I looked out the window and noticed a downpour had started, and is still going!!

I have rejoiced, knowing that this is no coincidence. I may sound crazy, and I'm sure some scientist could come up with a theory as to why the rain percentage has increased so much within 24 hours, but I believe this is the work of many people uniting in positive thinking, and many prayerful thoughts. Most of all, I know the Lord is mindful of his children, he does watch out for us. He knows when we need him desperately. He also works with us when we unite as one in a positive way.

Political adversity

Recently I heard that using the word "handicapped" is no longer politically correct. If a person who has a disability (that word isn't politically correct either) such as diabetes, they are a person who is diabetic, not someone who has diabetes. So does that mean, I am not a Mormon. I am someone who is Mormon?! Haha it's getting quite retarded. Oh, wait! That word isn't good to use either.

There are too many politically incorrect phrases nowadays! Honestly, it's annoying. Only because, who decides what's correct and what isn't anymore? These words, or phrases were okay at one point in time. So when someone gets highly offended, does that automatically make the term being used, "incorrect"?

My main problem with this evolvement of what terms are correct and what is now thought of as a "bad" word, and if you use it, people gasp as if you just swore like a sailor! The interesting fact about this matter is, the ones who inform me on what's politically correct are usually people who use the Lords name in vain, they swear, and they don't think it's bad. Well, I guess it's not if they don't see it that way. So why should I have to change what I say, because of its correctness or not, and sit around while those correcting me are using profanity to explain how their weekend of partying went?

I honestly don't get offended by much, if someone wants to drop the lords name in vain , I won't perk up in a gasp of offense. It's something they say because they are okay with it. I personally don't like it, and would rather them say something else...at least something that makes sense. I mean, when they say "Oh my God! I can't believe she did that!" are they praying to God that they can't believe she said that? I can think of kinder ways to pray to the Lord.

I say "retarded" a lot. Usually in reference to how dumb something is, or how dumb I am. I am not making fun of- how do I say this- a person who is not able to do something because of a conflict in their ability to do that certain something......Yeah?
I say retarded because I've grown up saying that, along with "that's gay", which I am sure I was saying long before I even actually knew what "gay" was.

Just like the old people at the old folks home, I grew up in a time where these words were used. They have different meanings than what they actually mean. My dad was using "negro" when describing a black person. I told him he should probably not say that word, because it's politically incorrect. Well, apparently when he was growing up, it was a term used to describe a black person, not in a negative way. The negative way is, well, we all know.

I am sure my kids will correct me on what I should stop saying, because it's offensive. Until that day, I will continue to describe my day as retarded. I will see the blue parking lot sign with a stick person in a wheelchair, and know that because it says "handicapped" that does not make it incorrect and that it means someone has to park closer because of a shortness in ability to park further.

I do feel, however, the next time I am shunned for describing my day as retarded, I will mention that every time they use the Lords name in vain- I want to punch them in the face. Since I'm close with the big guy, I won't, because he still loves them and hopes that someday they will use his name in prayer, and not in vain.

Plzndthnku for reading. :)

Past, future, present-tense.

So many times do I hear, "You must stop living in your past, and move on." Well, this is true, to a sense. I believe that in order for one to live in the future, you must refer to your past. Just like when you have learned something in school, or in a certain situation, you use what you have learned in your past, and apply it to what you are doing now.


I never reside in my past, I just use it to help me with my present, and sometimes even my future. I wouldn't say my life has been above average in the department of "Life lessons" but everyone is different. We are all here on this earth to live our lives according to how we believe it should be lived. Well, we don't really know how to do that unless we have trials and errors. There is really no other way. A child will never learn that a stove is hot when its on, unless they learn first-hand, which is usually by an error of accidentally touching the stove.


I have made many "errors" in my past, and I would like to think I am learning from them. I could list the many, many things I would like to have changed, however, they are all for a purpose. Those errors have brought me to where I am at today. The hard part is, my life isn't perfect, at least not yet. I am trying though. I do believe that because of the choices I made before, I am able to steer clear of repeating those unwise decisions in my life now. Sometimes if I find myself in a situation that I feel I have been in before, I am able to refer back to my past and remember what happened, how I felt, and what I learned in order to make it better, and to move forward in a positive way.


Through my colorful past, I would say it has built me stronger than ever. I am able to make wise decisions, and KNOW what I truly deserve. When I was freshly graduated, I was just entering the world. I had NO idea where I was really going, and what I really wanted in life. I barely knew who I was. I had different values, and different views on life itself. Being so young, I didn't know how hard life really was. I am so grateful I have been able to discover myself through all of my trials and errors. I am very different from the person I was 6 years ago. I am better. I have my feet grounded, and my head firm on my shoulders. Im not perfect, nor do I think I am. I am better than I was 6 years ago, though.


I have a plan. I know who I want to be. I know who and what I deserve to have in my life. I won't settle for less than what I deserve. The biggest life lesson I seem to have learned so far is, "No man is worth your tears unless they are tears of joy as you are staring into his eyes when you are getting sealed for eternity, or when he has helped you create the beauty of a family."

The climb.

She climbs, as though her life depended on it. She looks to the top, then down. She takes a deep breath and clenches her teeth. She knows this climb is hard, she knows she will make it to the top. She grabs a ledge, places her foot a step above from where it was. As she pulls, and pushes her self higher she moves her other hand to another ledge. As she checks to make sure its save to grasp onto she notices it might be a little loose, but she continues to put her faith on that little ledge, as if her life depended on it. She begins to move her foot a step higher to where her goal is. Taking a deep breath, she pushes herself up, and pulls, as she pulls the rock breaks off. She races to find another ledge to quickly grab onto, but she cant seem to find a good stable one, they all crumble before her eyes. She has so many thoughts racing through her mind, and all she can think about is that she has to make it to the top, she can get past this moment, and she can get to the top. With her other hand She grabs a ledge she had grabbed earlier, knowing that spot has already been checked. As she reaches for it with all her faith, she finally grasps it, as if her life depended on it. She dangles and notices her fingers can only hold on for so long. She screams, "NOOO!". She finds a couple of spots to rest her feet, and eventually grasps another ledge, with her other hand. She starts to whimper in disappointment. She feels a little defeated, and starts to doubt herself. She starts to wonder if she will even be able to make it to the top. She looks around her, she feels so small. She had gotten so far, and now has to start again. She rests her head on her arm, breathing heavily. She debates on whether it will be worth it when she gets to the top. Once she catches her breath, she takes a deep one, and looks up. She knows this spot, for she has already conquered it before. She moves her hand to a ledge slightly above it, checks it thoroughly to make sure her previous mistake doesn't happen again. She moves her foot up, and pulls herself slightly higher. She continues to move up, and each step gives her more and more confidence. She looks down and sees how far she has made it. She knows she can do this. She slows her pace this time, and checks each step she takes more thoroughly than before. She trusts herself, and trusts that she can make it to the top without falling again.

For once the focus is on: ME

Dear, You know who you are, I am not who I use to be. I have changed my life from when you knew me. I am not that person. You may think of me in such way, don't. Forget that person. That person is gone, they have been shed. I am a newer, better, more reformed person. I am a beautiful daughter of a Heavenly King. I am not innocent, I have learned. I am not perfect, nor to I intend on being. I have moved toward great works. I have decided that for once, I put the focus on ME. I am no longer surrounded around you. I no longer think about you the way you think I do.
I do not expect you in my life anymore, for you have walked away. I cannot change the things that have happened, but i can change my outlook on life. You are still living in this world where you think I am still trying to be in, well I am not. You can let that idea go, because I'm gone. Im done trying to fix things. Im done trying to make it better. I'm done focusing on you.
Because you are no longer in my life, i have seen things more clearly. I can breath. I know my future will be better, it will be free, free from you. This is my final "goodbye" although there is nothing to wish upon a goodness of saying bye to you. Farewell, only because i believe in karma.
May the wind be in your face, so sand will get in places you never knew existed. The sun in your eyes, so you will squint and get wrinkles faster. And May the rain fall upon your nicely kept suit, just because i think that would be funny. I wish a farewell upon your departure. My heart releases all of everything you meant to me, only to make room for someone who deserves it. I hope the door smashes your head on the way out, maybe it will pop it back to a normal humble size. Sincerely, The girl you never had, and will never see.