Past, future, present-tense.

So many times do I hear, "You must stop living in your past, and move on." Well, this is true, to a sense. I believe that in order for one to live in the future, you must refer to your past. Just like when you have learned something in school, or in a certain situation, you use what you have learned in your past, and apply it to what you are doing now.


I never reside in my past, I just use it to help me with my present, and sometimes even my future. I wouldn't say my life has been above average in the department of "Life lessons" but everyone is different. We are all here on this earth to live our lives according to how we believe it should be lived. Well, we don't really know how to do that unless we have trials and errors. There is really no other way. A child will never learn that a stove is hot when its on, unless they learn first-hand, which is usually by an error of accidentally touching the stove.


I have made many "errors" in my past, and I would like to think I am learning from them. I could list the many, many things I would like to have changed, however, they are all for a purpose. Those errors have brought me to where I am at today. The hard part is, my life isn't perfect, at least not yet. I am trying though. I do believe that because of the choices I made before, I am able to steer clear of repeating those unwise decisions in my life now. Sometimes if I find myself in a situation that I feel I have been in before, I am able to refer back to my past and remember what happened, how I felt, and what I learned in order to make it better, and to move forward in a positive way.


Through my colorful past, I would say it has built me stronger than ever. I am able to make wise decisions, and KNOW what I truly deserve. When I was freshly graduated, I was just entering the world. I had NO idea where I was really going, and what I really wanted in life. I barely knew who I was. I had different values, and different views on life itself. Being so young, I didn't know how hard life really was. I am so grateful I have been able to discover myself through all of my trials and errors. I am very different from the person I was 6 years ago. I am better. I have my feet grounded, and my head firm on my shoulders. Im not perfect, nor do I think I am. I am better than I was 6 years ago, though.


I have a plan. I know who I want to be. I know who and what I deserve to have in my life. I won't settle for less than what I deserve. The biggest life lesson I seem to have learned so far is, "No man is worth your tears unless they are tears of joy as you are staring into his eyes when you are getting sealed for eternity, or when he has helped you create the beauty of a family."

For once the focus is on: ME

Dear, You know who you are, I am not who I use to be. I have changed my life from when you knew me. I am not that person. You may think of me in such way, don't. Forget that person. That person is gone, they have been shed. I am a newer, better, more reformed person. I am a beautiful daughter of a Heavenly King. I am not innocent, I have learned. I am not perfect, nor to I intend on being. I have moved toward great works. I have decided that for once, I put the focus on ME. I am no longer surrounded around you. I no longer think about you the way you think I do.
I do not expect you in my life anymore, for you have walked away. I cannot change the things that have happened, but i can change my outlook on life. You are still living in this world where you think I am still trying to be in, well I am not. You can let that idea go, because I'm gone. Im done trying to fix things. Im done trying to make it better. I'm done focusing on you.
Because you are no longer in my life, i have seen things more clearly. I can breath. I know my future will be better, it will be free, free from you. This is my final "goodbye" although there is nothing to wish upon a goodness of saying bye to you. Farewell, only because i believe in karma.
May the wind be in your face, so sand will get in places you never knew existed. The sun in your eyes, so you will squint and get wrinkles faster. And May the rain fall upon your nicely kept suit, just because i think that would be funny. I wish a farewell upon your departure. My heart releases all of everything you meant to me, only to make room for someone who deserves it. I hope the door smashes your head on the way out, maybe it will pop it back to a normal humble size. Sincerely, The girl you never had, and will never see.

Something to remember.

The worse thing in life is when you realize you have no where else to go but to face the reality of what you have been dreading the most. Its kind of like someone holding a mirror up to your face when you have a huge nasty zit the size of mars. Well, world, i appreciate the kind gesture that i have a huge ugly zit i need to face, but i really dont want to do this.

Last night i was talking to a friend, and i was starting to break down into a "poor me" phase of how my life sucks and blah, blah, blah. When, suddenly, it hit me like a bug in the eye going down the freeway on a fast motorcycle with-out a helmet on. I realized, I lost my grasp of ME. I dont know where i went, but im not here. I dont know who i am, or where im going. I am LOST. At first i was in denial. Did i really loose myself in 3 months of being with another person?? No...REALLY?!
Ugh. Sigh. GRRRR! Stupid!

So then, i was facing the fact that i am now going to have to re-find myself AGAIN! I was fine 3 months ago. I knew who i was, what i wanted out of life, and where i was going. It didnt matter what kind of bug, or zit, came my way. I was ready to take on the world, with my helmet and shoulder pads on, of course. Life has an interesting way of saying, "Well, Sarah, Thats awesome you feel that way. Now, Im going to throw a few obstacles in your way and see how you can take them!"

BAM! She is DOWN!!!!
Thanks life.

Well, now i guess i better get back up to find myself again. This time i hope life doesnt make it too hard again. Im loosing hope that i can be stronger, im getting older too so my energy is lower than it use to be. The best part about this is, Its not the first time ive been knocked down. I've obviously survived bee stings, elbow and knee scratches, fights with my brother, and my first taste of beer. This is NOTHING! I can do it, i know im in there somewhere. I just gotta figure out how to find ME again.

The Dreamcatcher

Sitting here on the edge, i look down upon all the little lights glittering below my toes. I am on the top of the world, with only a cup of wisdom in my hand. I can do anything i want. But what? I ask this question every day. Every second. WHAT TO DO?
I have the world at my feet and all i do is sit there and gaze. Being a Sagittarius, i change my mind a lot. I am okay with this though. I like to experience new things, and have new ideas flutter across my mind.

A Little girl sits in class learning about "Growing up", the teacher passes out a piece of paper explaining to think about what they want to be when they "Grow Up" and to write it down, and draw a picture of themselves in that profession. The little girls mind goes wild. She often dreams of being a ballet dancer, but also wants to be a mom, and then creates an entire life with here little mind. She smiles and draws a picture of her holding a baby wearing a ballet tutu. Soon enough the little girl "Grows up" and realizes its nearly impossible to live off of dancing in ballet, gets a full-time minimum wadge job and tosses the dream she once had in the trash. She also realizes that babies are by no means easy, and puts that dream in the back of her mind.

Why cant life be as simple as writing down what we dream and drawing a picture and having it come to life?

Well, as i was before, I will sit with the world twinkling at my toes listening to Bob Marley, and holding the cup of wisdom and dream my dream of what i want to be when i "Grow Up".