Something to remember.

The worse thing in life is when you realize you have no where else to go but to face the reality of what you have been dreading the most. Its kind of like someone holding a mirror up to your face when you have a huge nasty zit the size of mars. Well, world, i appreciate the kind gesture that i have a huge ugly zit i need to face, but i really dont want to do this.

Last night i was talking to a friend, and i was starting to break down into a "poor me" phase of how my life sucks and blah, blah, blah. When, suddenly, it hit me like a bug in the eye going down the freeway on a fast motorcycle with-out a helmet on. I realized, I lost my grasp of ME. I dont know where i went, but im not here. I dont know who i am, or where im going. I am LOST. At first i was in denial. Did i really loose myself in 3 months of being with another person?? No...REALLY?!
Ugh. Sigh. GRRRR! Stupid!

So then, i was facing the fact that i am now going to have to re-find myself AGAIN! I was fine 3 months ago. I knew who i was, what i wanted out of life, and where i was going. It didnt matter what kind of bug, or zit, came my way. I was ready to take on the world, with my helmet and shoulder pads on, of course. Life has an interesting way of saying, "Well, Sarah, Thats awesome you feel that way. Now, Im going to throw a few obstacles in your way and see how you can take them!"

BAM! She is DOWN!!!!
Thanks life.

Well, now i guess i better get back up to find myself again. This time i hope life doesnt make it too hard again. Im loosing hope that i can be stronger, im getting older too so my energy is lower than it use to be. The best part about this is, Its not the first time ive been knocked down. I've obviously survived bee stings, elbow and knee scratches, fights with my brother, and my first taste of beer. This is NOTHING! I can do it, i know im in there somewhere. I just gotta figure out how to find ME again.

Gone

So cold as ice, my tears freeze my cheek as they roll down my face.
My heart barely beats, Thump......thump.....thump...
I breath slowly as if i was trying to hide from something.
I close my eyes and try to think of nothing.
But all i can see is your face..lingering in my mind.
Darkness behind you, as if you were a stranger.
But you were all i ever knew.
I open my eyes to make the image disappear as much as i can.
I touch my chest.
The pain is too much to bare.
Id rather rip my heart out than to feel the pain i feel.
I try to live, and move on.
When i sit in a room full of people i still feel alone.
As if im not even really there.
Just a shadow in the darkness.
Each day i think im getting closer to being over.
But each day brings memories of how we planned to be together.
Trust. What is trust?
I can trust no one.
I am ruined for the rest of my life.
I will be haunted by your memory forever.
Someone find me, and save me from this pain i feel.
I just want to lay here for forever so i will never fall again.