Past, future, present-tense.

So many times do I hear, "You must stop living in your past, and move on." Well, this is true, to a sense. I believe that in order for one to live in the future, you must refer to your past. Just like when you have learned something in school, or in a certain situation, you use what you have learned in your past, and apply it to what you are doing now.


I never reside in my past, I just use it to help me with my present, and sometimes even my future. I wouldn't say my life has been above average in the department of "Life lessons" but everyone is different. We are all here on this earth to live our lives according to how we believe it should be lived. Well, we don't really know how to do that unless we have trials and errors. There is really no other way. A child will never learn that a stove is hot when its on, unless they learn first-hand, which is usually by an error of accidentally touching the stove.


I have made many "errors" in my past, and I would like to think I am learning from them. I could list the many, many things I would like to have changed, however, they are all for a purpose. Those errors have brought me to where I am at today. The hard part is, my life isn't perfect, at least not yet. I am trying though. I do believe that because of the choices I made before, I am able to steer clear of repeating those unwise decisions in my life now. Sometimes if I find myself in a situation that I feel I have been in before, I am able to refer back to my past and remember what happened, how I felt, and what I learned in order to make it better, and to move forward in a positive way.


Through my colorful past, I would say it has built me stronger than ever. I am able to make wise decisions, and KNOW what I truly deserve. When I was freshly graduated, I was just entering the world. I had NO idea where I was really going, and what I really wanted in life. I barely knew who I was. I had different values, and different views on life itself. Being so young, I didn't know how hard life really was. I am so grateful I have been able to discover myself through all of my trials and errors. I am very different from the person I was 6 years ago. I am better. I have my feet grounded, and my head firm on my shoulders. Im not perfect, nor do I think I am. I am better than I was 6 years ago, though.


I have a plan. I know who I want to be. I know who and what I deserve to have in my life. I won't settle for less than what I deserve. The biggest life lesson I seem to have learned so far is, "No man is worth your tears unless they are tears of joy as you are staring into his eyes when you are getting sealed for eternity, or when he has helped you create the beauty of a family."

For once the focus is on: ME

Dear, You know who you are, I am not who I use to be. I have changed my life from when you knew me. I am not that person. You may think of me in such way, don't. Forget that person. That person is gone, they have been shed. I am a newer, better, more reformed person. I am a beautiful daughter of a Heavenly King. I am not innocent, I have learned. I am not perfect, nor to I intend on being. I have moved toward great works. I have decided that for once, I put the focus on ME. I am no longer surrounded around you. I no longer think about you the way you think I do.
I do not expect you in my life anymore, for you have walked away. I cannot change the things that have happened, but i can change my outlook on life. You are still living in this world where you think I am still trying to be in, well I am not. You can let that idea go, because I'm gone. Im done trying to fix things. Im done trying to make it better. I'm done focusing on you.
Because you are no longer in my life, i have seen things more clearly. I can breath. I know my future will be better, it will be free, free from you. This is my final "goodbye" although there is nothing to wish upon a goodness of saying bye to you. Farewell, only because i believe in karma.
May the wind be in your face, so sand will get in places you never knew existed. The sun in your eyes, so you will squint and get wrinkles faster. And May the rain fall upon your nicely kept suit, just because i think that would be funny. I wish a farewell upon your departure. My heart releases all of everything you meant to me, only to make room for someone who deserves it. I hope the door smashes your head on the way out, maybe it will pop it back to a normal humble size. Sincerely, The girl you never had, and will never see.

The beginning. Kind Of.

I use to have a bunch of posts before this one. Then i tried to have a new blog, one that was totally new. New email and everything. Then i discovered that the new blogs wont let you put a cute template on the background, so i reverted back to my old one and deleted my old posts. Why? because i can. Because i have this aching feeling that i need change. I need to start fresh, i need to let go of the old and start with something new. I deleted my Facebook (GASP!) and started texting people. Eventually i will start calling people, like we use to when we were younger. Or even walk to their house and just knock on their door!!! But that one is a long ways down the road. So here i am. New. Kind of.

Have you ever tried to tame a zillion flies? Yes, a zillion. Sounds impossible right? At least thats what my first thought was. Actually that was what one of my zillion thoughts were. I have a zillion thoughts flying around in my head, like a zillion flies. I try meditation every now and then, but they always seem to come back. They come back more and more it seems like. Thats another reason why i was on a long dry spell of writing. I had so many thoughts that when i would sit down to write, they would all come flying to my fingers at once, i just froze. They still do, but i am just writing as it comes. So bare with me on my kind of new first blog post. At least new with the newness of it being written with a different version of me.

The name of this blog is actually quite funny, only because i am not simple. I am actually probably one of the most complicated persons you will have ever know of in your life. I change my mind within seconds. I can be happy one minute, and overruled by madness the second. I can be sweet, but not fake, unless its towards the right people. I have a dry sense of humor, but to me i am the funniest person alive! Getting emotion is hard when its written, so when i try to be funny i use "!!!" Most people do, but i will sometimes use the amount of "!" to explain how funny it is. So when you see "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" that means its extremely funny, or extremely important. Well folks, this is it for now. Me, un-simply written in the beginning. Kind of.