180 degrees and things are getting hotter

So I've had a lot of changes in my life,: personally made by my choices only. No influences involved by any other mortal here. It all started off when I decided to follow my dreams in a career and enroll in Beauty school. I have been pondering this idea for quite a while but as we all know school can get pricey and Beauty school is even more pricey! So I haven't really jumped into it until now. Well, technically June. I was feeling as if I had been wandering down a path for quite a while and I was ready for something new, challenging, and most of all rewarding. It just so happened to be that at the time I was pondering this idea, my hair stylist had just opened a school in january and was giving away half tuition scholarships. Lucky dog! I looked into it and felt this wonderful feeling come over my body and I said, yes please! So I have been in school for 5 months now and I am LOVING every minute of it!!! After I was settled into the routine of going to beauty school I decided I wanted to continue my education at Salt lake community college and eventually earn my associates in whatever I want when I cross that bridge. So I enrolled in an easy moderate class and got things in order with that and plan on taking two easy classes next semester. By the time I am graduated with cosmetology school I plan on finishing up at Salt lake community college so I am able to have my AS and license hand in hand. Yes "go-getter" would most likely be under my name as well. As far as continuing my education towards a bachelors is up in the air as of right now. I have learned far too many lessons that short term and medium term goals are easier kept than long, long term goals. Who knows what will happen in the next few years, even moreso after those next few years. A lot of options! As far as I'm concerned though, I know I'm on the right track with my education which, is key! Now that I decided to get my butt in gear with my career, I was still feeling a sort of ache from my past pulling at my heart. As much as I felt I was in order with my life, I still had moments of grief, obviously, and depression. It brought me back to the memories I had of all my past heartaches which seemed to lead me to speaking to one of them. I had the opportunity to see them and kind of mull things over in the short amount of time we had together before they left for school in the fall. It was a great opportunity because of what had happened was not only a closing of a chapter that had been long overdue, it was an opening of another chapter which is where I'm at right now. I guess you could say, God slapped me with the Book of Mormon, almost literally. As I was saying goodbye to this person from my past, they gave me a Book of Mormon. I was like, seriously? You just gave me a Book of Mormon?! Not exactly sure of what to say I kind of just took it and was speechless by what had just happened. A few weeks before this incident I had been pondering the idea of possibly looking to go back to church and live the gospel. I remembered what my life was like when I was applying the gospel into my life, and overall I knew I felt happier, and I knew everything felt more connected. I was in denial though. I was into the law of attraction and learning about chakras. I just never felt fully satisfied with the way that path was leading me. So this Book of Mormon wasn't just any book, it had a testimony in it. Not just any testimony, it had my testimony in it. A few years ago I had written my testimony down and sent it to this person while they were serving a mission. I said, "Give this to someone who needs it." Yeah, that's why I was speechless. After looking at this book for days and days I finally decided to try this church thing again. I'm not exactly when or where it was when it clicked, but it clicked. I had decided to start going back to church. I was frightened, mostly by myself. I had made a fool of myself, I was stupid. I knew what would lie ahead of me when I started going back to church. I knew what I would have to go through, as having been through it before. I knew I made a lot of mistakes and felt a tremendous feeling of guilt. I betrayed everything I had, mostly myself and the promises I had made with God. But I still went for it. I knew that somewhere in the future of the path I would be better off than I am now. I knew deeply this was the turning point I needed in my life to fully complete the route I had chosen with my career path. I felt nervous, scared, worried, frightened, guilty, a little excited, and unsure. I didn't know exactly how it would go because of where my mind frame had been the past year or so. I thought I would counter everything that was said, I thought I would smurk at the cheesy things that would be said. I thought I would be wasting my time and that it wouldn't work. I went to church with the lowest of expectations. I was also keeping in on the downlow for a while, I didn't want to let anyone down again. As I walked up the steps and through the doors I had a feeling of comfort rise through my body. I had that feeling you have when you come home after a long vacation. I am sure I had a sense of relief somewhere in there too. It was the homecoming of a family friend, I just went to sacrament because I wasn't sure how id handle the whole thing. It was great. The talk this family friend gave was great. He had a few moments of talking about past members going back. My ears perked up. He said, "it doesn't matter how long someone has been lost, he (Jesus Christ) is always waiting with open arms". I felt a tingle in my heart and chest. Like the feeling when you've been in a dark room and finally find the light switch and turn on the light. Literally, my light was turned on. All the negative I felt going in was instantly wiped away. I did not smurk at the things which were said. I did not counter the gospel that was taught. I took it in. I opened my heart and opened my mind to the things that have been spoken. I have felt so much gratitude for myself, for God, for my family and for those that have been with me through the way. I've been mostly grateful things are not as I thought they would be. It couldn't have been more perfectly. I feel as though my heart is full of joy and happiness. I've found my path, I've gotten over my past, and I'm moving forward with my chin held high. I could blame so many for the events that have lead me to this point. I could recall countless actions that pushed me towards this momen in my life. I'm not going to though. The past is the past. Things do happen for a reason. I have been where I've been to make me stronger now than I was when I was in the moment of where I've been. I could go on and on about how wonderfully great my life is, but I won't. I discovered myself and I'm still learning new things. Life is still rough at times, and I do still have moments of humanity. Its natural. But because of how I'm living my life now, I know will help me in the long run. You can't run a marathon without training before and knowing what the finish line looks like in the end. To run in the moment is based off of the training which made you stronger and the knowledge of what an acomplishment will be like in the end. (Which really, in the marathon of life....there is no end.) ;-)