She screams, “HELP!! SOMEBODY!!! PLEASE!!”
In a panic she looks up to what seems like a small bright blue circle. Her breathing is fast and unsettled.
“PLEASE!!! SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!” Her voice is weakened from screaming and the feeling that maybe she is too far down and no one can hear her.
She drops to the ground, and holds her head. Tears start to roll down her cheeks. She looks around and all she sees are walls of dirt. She looks at her hands and notices they are covered in dirt, from trying to climb the walls. She wipes the tears from her cheeks-- takes a deep breath -- and tries to stand up. Holding herself against the dirt wall she stumbles and trips over a shovel.
She looks up and around her again, and realizes-- she dug herself here. Stunned in disbelief that she is the cause of being there, panic sets in again.
“NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!!”
“HOW DID I GET HERE?! HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET THIS FAR DOWN?!”
“IM STUCK.”
She drops to the ground-- still in shock -- and stares. Not exactly sure what to do, just stares.
Faintly breathing, she says, “ I’m sorry. I didn’t know I let myself get this far.”
“I’m open. Help me be free from this dark, dark place.”
“Give me guidance and security. Let me know its going to be okay.”
“Let me know IM going to be OKAY.”
Surrendering to herself, Sarah Looks up at the bright blue circle and closes her eyes.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Monster
I hate you..
Everything about you, I hate.
I hate your face.
I hate your hands, your body, your feet.
I hate it all.
You are a monster.
You ruined everything.
You have no heart.
Monster.
The day you entered my life you killed me.
You took all I had, and killed it.
You ruined me.
I hate you.
My hope-Gone.
My trust- Gone.
My heart-Gone.
My confidence-Gone.
My security-Gone.
My future-Gone.
My imagination-Gone.
Everything I had-Gone.
I am no longer me.
I am a ghost.
I have nothing to live for.
I am dead inside.
There is nothing.
I hate you.
Monster.
You saw I was wounded, you took me in and healed my wounds. You told me great stories of great things. You lead me to believe my life was complete. You told me I could do anything and be anything and that WE would go far. You lead me to believe I would spend the rest of my life with you. You told me I could trust you. You LIED. As Soon as I felt healed. YOU. LIED.
I was thrown back onto the ground I was founded on, my wounds were then re-opened and torn even more. I was tossed so hard I broke into a million pieces. I was back to where I started, but this time…there was no one there to pick me up and heal my wounds. There was no one there to help me put the pieces back together. If there was, I wouldn’t let them try anyways. I trust no one but myself. Even in times of hardship, I often have trouble trusting myself. Can I get back up on my own without falling again? Can I move forward with a single step and not quiver nor trip? Is it possible I can continue on my journey without breaking into a million pieces again? Can I win this fight?
I think am strong. Clearly I need to be stronger. I am weak, and broken. Bruised black and blue until my lungs feel like almost giving up. This storm was a strong one, stronger than any I had been in before. I knew it was going to take a lot to push through it. I had a very, very small ounce of hope that maybe, just maybe there would indeed be a rainbow at the end of this dark, long, journey through this mean and horrible storm.
The only thing keeping me going is the fact that ive pushed through storms before, ive seen rainbows at the end of a dark rainy cloud. I know there is more to my life than sitting on the ground all the time wondering why the hell im still alive.
Everything you did to me will haunt me for the rest of my life. Your lies, your betrayal, and your heartless act- I will forever be haunted by. Because of you I will never be able to trust a single soul to its full potential again. I will never be able to open my heart to another for a really, really long time…if ever. Because of what you did to me-I will forever be haunted by you, monster.
Every time I feel a slight opening of the heart, I hide it. My heart will never open to another again.
The images you burned into my mind will forever haunt my memory. This one single act you put on is the one single act that will change my life for good. I will never, ever, be the same. I will be half dead because you killed most of me. All I can do is try to live half alive.
You are a monster, and you ruined it all.
I hate you.
Everything about you, I hate.
I hate your face.
I hate your hands, your body, your feet.
I hate it all.
You are a monster.
You ruined everything.
You have no heart.
Monster.
The day you entered my life you killed me.
You took all I had, and killed it.
You ruined me.
I hate you.
My hope-Gone.
My trust- Gone.
My heart-Gone.
My confidence-Gone.
My security-Gone.
My future-Gone.
My imagination-Gone.
Everything I had-Gone.
I am no longer me.
I am a ghost.
I have nothing to live for.
I am dead inside.
There is nothing.
I hate you.
Monster.
You saw I was wounded, you took me in and healed my wounds. You told me great stories of great things. You lead me to believe my life was complete. You told me I could do anything and be anything and that WE would go far. You lead me to believe I would spend the rest of my life with you. You told me I could trust you. You LIED. As Soon as I felt healed. YOU. LIED.
I was thrown back onto the ground I was founded on, my wounds were then re-opened and torn even more. I was tossed so hard I broke into a million pieces. I was back to where I started, but this time…there was no one there to pick me up and heal my wounds. There was no one there to help me put the pieces back together. If there was, I wouldn’t let them try anyways. I trust no one but myself. Even in times of hardship, I often have trouble trusting myself. Can I get back up on my own without falling again? Can I move forward with a single step and not quiver nor trip? Is it possible I can continue on my journey without breaking into a million pieces again? Can I win this fight?
I think am strong. Clearly I need to be stronger. I am weak, and broken. Bruised black and blue until my lungs feel like almost giving up. This storm was a strong one, stronger than any I had been in before. I knew it was going to take a lot to push through it. I had a very, very small ounce of hope that maybe, just maybe there would indeed be a rainbow at the end of this dark, long, journey through this mean and horrible storm.
The only thing keeping me going is the fact that ive pushed through storms before, ive seen rainbows at the end of a dark rainy cloud. I know there is more to my life than sitting on the ground all the time wondering why the hell im still alive.
Everything you did to me will haunt me for the rest of my life. Your lies, your betrayal, and your heartless act- I will forever be haunted by. Because of you I will never be able to trust a single soul to its full potential again. I will never be able to open my heart to another for a really, really long time…if ever. Because of what you did to me-I will forever be haunted by you, monster.
Every time I feel a slight opening of the heart, I hide it. My heart will never open to another again.
The images you burned into my mind will forever haunt my memory. This one single act you put on is the one single act that will change my life for good. I will never, ever, be the same. I will be half dead because you killed most of me. All I can do is try to live half alive.
You are a monster, and you ruined it all.
I hate you.
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