The climb.

She climbs, as though her life depended on it. She looks to the top, then down. She takes a deep breath and clenches her teeth. She knows this climb is hard, she knows she will make it to the top. She grabs a ledge, places her foot a step above from where it was. As she pulls, and pushes her self higher she moves her other hand to another ledge. As she checks to make sure its save to grasp onto she notices it might be a little loose, but she continues to put her faith on that little ledge, as if her life depended on it. She begins to move her foot a step higher to where her goal is. Taking a deep breath, she pushes herself up, and pulls, as she pulls the rock breaks off. She races to find another ledge to quickly grab onto, but she cant seem to find a good stable one, they all crumble before her eyes. She has so many thoughts racing through her mind, and all she can think about is that she has to make it to the top, she can get past this moment, and she can get to the top. With her other hand She grabs a ledge she had grabbed earlier, knowing that spot has already been checked. As she reaches for it with all her faith, she finally grasps it, as if her life depended on it. She dangles and notices her fingers can only hold on for so long. She screams, "NOOO!". She finds a couple of spots to rest her feet, and eventually grasps another ledge, with her other hand. She starts to whimper in disappointment. She feels a little defeated, and starts to doubt herself. She starts to wonder if she will even be able to make it to the top. She looks around her, she feels so small. She had gotten so far, and now has to start again. She rests her head on her arm, breathing heavily. She debates on whether it will be worth it when she gets to the top. Once she catches her breath, she takes a deep one, and looks up. She knows this spot, for she has already conquered it before. She moves her hand to a ledge slightly above it, checks it thoroughly to make sure her previous mistake doesn't happen again. She moves her foot up, and pulls herself slightly higher. She continues to move up, and each step gives her more and more confidence. She looks down and sees how far she has made it. She knows she can do this. She slows her pace this time, and checks each step she takes more thoroughly than before. She trusts herself, and trusts that she can make it to the top without falling again.

For once the focus is on: ME

Dear, You know who you are, I am not who I use to be. I have changed my life from when you knew me. I am not that person. You may think of me in such way, don't. Forget that person. That person is gone, they have been shed. I am a newer, better, more reformed person. I am a beautiful daughter of a Heavenly King. I am not innocent, I have learned. I am not perfect, nor to I intend on being. I have moved toward great works. I have decided that for once, I put the focus on ME. I am no longer surrounded around you. I no longer think about you the way you think I do.
I do not expect you in my life anymore, for you have walked away. I cannot change the things that have happened, but i can change my outlook on life. You are still living in this world where you think I am still trying to be in, well I am not. You can let that idea go, because I'm gone. Im done trying to fix things. Im done trying to make it better. I'm done focusing on you.
Because you are no longer in my life, i have seen things more clearly. I can breath. I know my future will be better, it will be free, free from you. This is my final "goodbye" although there is nothing to wish upon a goodness of saying bye to you. Farewell, only because i believe in karma.
May the wind be in your face, so sand will get in places you never knew existed. The sun in your eyes, so you will squint and get wrinkles faster. And May the rain fall upon your nicely kept suit, just because i think that would be funny. I wish a farewell upon your departure. My heart releases all of everything you meant to me, only to make room for someone who deserves it. I hope the door smashes your head on the way out, maybe it will pop it back to a normal humble size. Sincerely, The girl you never had, and will never see.

D&C 39:7-9

I have been thinking about blogging lately. I usually have these ideas pop up in my head, and i say, "That would be a good thing to blog about" and then i continue on with my day. So i do have the intention of blogging more, my time just puts a little pause on that intent. Oh boy!!! I am a new and improved woman!! I went through the Draper temple yesterday, to receive my endowments! YES! It happened, and i couldn't be happier. I feel like my entire life has finally landed on the right path. I have always loved the Church, the Gospel has been a roller coaster in my life though. I had to find out for myself if the Gospel was true. I can now say with a profound solid stance in my heart and mind that The Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints IS the TRUE gospel that was restored by Joseph Smith. I know that God has a marvelous work and glory in store for me. Because of the choices i made yesterday, i can feel the love of my Savior in my heart. I know that i am on the right path to receiving the benefits of living my life according to the doctrines of God. I have never felt the spirit of my Heavenly father so strongly before. There is no doubt in my mind that i will be in the Celestial Kingdom with my friends and family. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the bind needed on the books of life. There cannot be a single book that holds together without a binding. And adding the Gospel to ones life will do that, it is a Binding agent that can be applied and will hold a life together. It has taken me a while to figure this out, but now that i have, i feel free! There have been many people in my life that have thrown doubts at me, they have said i would never make it. They have even warned others of who i was. There is one thing i can tell you from that, I am no longer THAT person. I have become a better, stronger, more spiritual Sarah. I cannot change the choices i have made in my past. I choose to live in the future and to move forward with faith. I keep my testimony close to me, i keep it strong too. If there is a soul out there who needs to hear it, i will tell it. I will not lower myself to help someone who thinks they are better than me. I have come to realize that I need to stop trying to figure out my future. I am like that little kid on christmas who tries to find all the presents. Of which, i have actually done, it ended in disappointment because i knew what i was getting, so it was no longer fun. I am not saying that if i knew what my future held, it would not be fun...but if i knew, there would be no point in being here on earth. I cannot control what happens to me, but i can control where i go. I know that as long as i am going in the right direction, Heavenly Father will bless my life with what happens to me.

The title of this post has to do with what happened to me on Sunday, during sacrament. I was sitting there, and usually i just stare at the backs of peoples heads and think about what i would do to make it look better, but this time..i whipped out my phone and selected the scriptures D&C. I slid my finger up and down the screen a few times, fast enough that i couldn't see what the chapters were, then i just hit the screen with my finger and this was the chapter i landed on.

Cool huh?! Another sure sign, that this is the true Gospel!!!

I dare you.

Tell me I can't do something, and I can promise you; that I will try and prove to you I can. Tell me I won't make it, I will. Tell me you don't believe in me and I will make you, and all of your followers, a believer in me. This is a sure thing. I may struggle at times, and I may stop to take a breather every now and then. I will make it though. I have a belief inside of me so strong it can conquer all things said to be impossible. Just bring it out, and tell me I can't. I dare you. In 24 years I've been up, I've been down. I've been all around. Ive done things I would never wish to do again, and many things I plan on doing a thousand times more. I have been told I can't, and I did. I have conquered things impossible when those around me didn't believe I would. I am still surviving. I was told I wouldn't make it, and I see myself higher than those who spoke such solemn words. I live by motivation, and what motivates me most, is when you tell me I won't make it. I will Graduate school. I will go through the temple. I will find a husband, and yes, he will be superman. I will love with all I've got. I will conquer all things impossible, and make it believable. I promise this to you. Dare me.

2011 review

I would say 2011 wasn't full of my best memories. I would say 2011 was full of lots of heartache, but with heartache comes strength. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about where i need to be, and a lot about what i deserve in life. A year of strengthening must have been needed to prepare me for the times ahead. I wish i could say I'm done with being broken down just to be built back up stronger. I wish i could say I'm done with the heartaches, long cries, and sleepless nights. I wish i could say my life is complete. But it isn't. My life is far from complete. Im 24 and ready to take on the world with the armor I've gathered along this past year. I know who i am. I know what i want. I know where I'm going in life. For the first time i could say I'm on my path and I'm finally happy with it. This year i plan on continuing my life surrounded with my family and friends. I plan on going through the temple to receive my endowments..which i will be able to see my brother and his fiancé get sealed. I am super excited for it!! I also plan on graduating cosmetology school at the end of November. I do have the Goal of bettering myself with my relationships. My mind is more clear. I find even recently i have been able to rid myself of poisonous relationships before they begin. I have also been able to seek out those who i deserve to have in my life. I am ready for 2012. This year is going to be good, i can tell.

Letting my freedom ring.

I am a 23 year old female. I have lived through the ever expanding technology of Computers, and science. I have seen the beauty of the Mountains surround my state, from the comfort of my home nestled in the suburbs of Salt Lake city. I have been able to go to a public school, choose what classes i would like to take, and enjoy attending many school activities. I was also allowed to wear whatever i wanted, to school. I didn't have to fear for my life while walking to school, or take an extra route to avoid a certain part of town. I admit, my school wasn't Top Notch. We rarely made high rankings in our sports. I was lucky enough to go to school though, and so i am Grateful. In the 5 years after being out of public school i have explored my surroundings through choosing whichever job i wanted. I have had the opportunity to choose whichever lifestyle i want. I have seen the best of things, and the worse. I have been able to choose whichever food i feel like eating. I haven't been restricted, or scolded for what i have chosen to do. For all of that, I am Grateful. I have been able to try and attend College, 3 of them to be exact. Not all of them have worked out like i had hoped for, but i was able to CHOOSE to go. I am lucky enough to have been given the opportunity to find my talents in the beauty industry now. For that, i am Grateful. I am not perfect. I am not rich. I won't boast about how hard I've had to work for my money, or boast about what my job does for this country. I am an American. I have been given the opportunity to do whatever i feel like doing. Say, whatever i feel like saying. I am able to disagree, or agree, with certain people, and not be ridiculed, or thrown in jail. Im not the smartest person alive, nor do i try to be. I live my life as i want, because i CAN. If i feel there is a problem, i alter my life as much as i can to satisfy myself to be happier. For every person who wastes away a day of sadness, self pity, or ungratefulness. You loose a day of happiness. As for me, i choose to be HAPPY with what i have.

180 degrees and things are getting hotter

So I've had a lot of changes in my life,: personally made by my choices only. No influences involved by any other mortal here. It all started off when I decided to follow my dreams in a career and enroll in Beauty school. I have been pondering this idea for quite a while but as we all know school can get pricey and Beauty school is even more pricey! So I haven't really jumped into it until now. Well, technically June. I was feeling as if I had been wandering down a path for quite a while and I was ready for something new, challenging, and most of all rewarding. It just so happened to be that at the time I was pondering this idea, my hair stylist had just opened a school in january and was giving away half tuition scholarships. Lucky dog! I looked into it and felt this wonderful feeling come over my body and I said, yes please! So I have been in school for 5 months now and I am LOVING every minute of it!!! After I was settled into the routine of going to beauty school I decided I wanted to continue my education at Salt lake community college and eventually earn my associates in whatever I want when I cross that bridge. So I enrolled in an easy moderate class and got things in order with that and plan on taking two easy classes next semester. By the time I am graduated with cosmetology school I plan on finishing up at Salt lake community college so I am able to have my AS and license hand in hand. Yes "go-getter" would most likely be under my name as well. As far as continuing my education towards a bachelors is up in the air as of right now. I have learned far too many lessons that short term and medium term goals are easier kept than long, long term goals. Who knows what will happen in the next few years, even moreso after those next few years. A lot of options! As far as I'm concerned though, I know I'm on the right track with my education which, is key! Now that I decided to get my butt in gear with my career, I was still feeling a sort of ache from my past pulling at my heart. As much as I felt I was in order with my life, I still had moments of grief, obviously, and depression. It brought me back to the memories I had of all my past heartaches which seemed to lead me to speaking to one of them. I had the opportunity to see them and kind of mull things over in the short amount of time we had together before they left for school in the fall. It was a great opportunity because of what had happened was not only a closing of a chapter that had been long overdue, it was an opening of another chapter which is where I'm at right now. I guess you could say, God slapped me with the Book of Mormon, almost literally. As I was saying goodbye to this person from my past, they gave me a Book of Mormon. I was like, seriously? You just gave me a Book of Mormon?! Not exactly sure of what to say I kind of just took it and was speechless by what had just happened. A few weeks before this incident I had been pondering the idea of possibly looking to go back to church and live the gospel. I remembered what my life was like when I was applying the gospel into my life, and overall I knew I felt happier, and I knew everything felt more connected. I was in denial though. I was into the law of attraction and learning about chakras. I just never felt fully satisfied with the way that path was leading me. So this Book of Mormon wasn't just any book, it had a testimony in it. Not just any testimony, it had my testimony in it. A few years ago I had written my testimony down and sent it to this person while they were serving a mission. I said, "Give this to someone who needs it." Yeah, that's why I was speechless. After looking at this book for days and days I finally decided to try this church thing again. I'm not exactly when or where it was when it clicked, but it clicked. I had decided to start going back to church. I was frightened, mostly by myself. I had made a fool of myself, I was stupid. I knew what would lie ahead of me when I started going back to church. I knew what I would have to go through, as having been through it before. I knew I made a lot of mistakes and felt a tremendous feeling of guilt. I betrayed everything I had, mostly myself and the promises I had made with God. But I still went for it. I knew that somewhere in the future of the path I would be better off than I am now. I knew deeply this was the turning point I needed in my life to fully complete the route I had chosen with my career path. I felt nervous, scared, worried, frightened, guilty, a little excited, and unsure. I didn't know exactly how it would go because of where my mind frame had been the past year or so. I thought I would counter everything that was said, I thought I would smurk at the cheesy things that would be said. I thought I would be wasting my time and that it wouldn't work. I went to church with the lowest of expectations. I was also keeping in on the downlow for a while, I didn't want to let anyone down again. As I walked up the steps and through the doors I had a feeling of comfort rise through my body. I had that feeling you have when you come home after a long vacation. I am sure I had a sense of relief somewhere in there too. It was the homecoming of a family friend, I just went to sacrament because I wasn't sure how id handle the whole thing. It was great. The talk this family friend gave was great. He had a few moments of talking about past members going back. My ears perked up. He said, "it doesn't matter how long someone has been lost, he (Jesus Christ) is always waiting with open arms". I felt a tingle in my heart and chest. Like the feeling when you've been in a dark room and finally find the light switch and turn on the light. Literally, my light was turned on. All the negative I felt going in was instantly wiped away. I did not smurk at the things which were said. I did not counter the gospel that was taught. I took it in. I opened my heart and opened my mind to the things that have been spoken. I have felt so much gratitude for myself, for God, for my family and for those that have been with me through the way. I've been mostly grateful things are not as I thought they would be. It couldn't have been more perfectly. I feel as though my heart is full of joy and happiness. I've found my path, I've gotten over my past, and I'm moving forward with my chin held high. I could blame so many for the events that have lead me to this point. I could recall countless actions that pushed me towards this momen in my life. I'm not going to though. The past is the past. Things do happen for a reason. I have been where I've been to make me stronger now than I was when I was in the moment of where I've been. I could go on and on about how wonderfully great my life is, but I won't. I discovered myself and I'm still learning new things. Life is still rough at times, and I do still have moments of humanity. Its natural. But because of how I'm living my life now, I know will help me in the long run. You can't run a marathon without training before and knowing what the finish line looks like in the end. To run in the moment is based off of the training which made you stronger and the knowledge of what an acomplishment will be like in the end. (Which really, in the marathon of life....there is no end.) ;-)