Past, future, present-tense.

So many times do I hear, "You must stop living in your past, and move on." Well, this is true, to a sense. I believe that in order for one to live in the future, you must refer to your past. Just like when you have learned something in school, or in a certain situation, you use what you have learned in your past, and apply it to what you are doing now.


I never reside in my past, I just use it to help me with my present, and sometimes even my future. I wouldn't say my life has been above average in the department of "Life lessons" but everyone is different. We are all here on this earth to live our lives according to how we believe it should be lived. Well, we don't really know how to do that unless we have trials and errors. There is really no other way. A child will never learn that a stove is hot when its on, unless they learn first-hand, which is usually by an error of accidentally touching the stove.


I have made many "errors" in my past, and I would like to think I am learning from them. I could list the many, many things I would like to have changed, however, they are all for a purpose. Those errors have brought me to where I am at today. The hard part is, my life isn't perfect, at least not yet. I am trying though. I do believe that because of the choices I made before, I am able to steer clear of repeating those unwise decisions in my life now. Sometimes if I find myself in a situation that I feel I have been in before, I am able to refer back to my past and remember what happened, how I felt, and what I learned in order to make it better, and to move forward in a positive way.


Through my colorful past, I would say it has built me stronger than ever. I am able to make wise decisions, and KNOW what I truly deserve. When I was freshly graduated, I was just entering the world. I had NO idea where I was really going, and what I really wanted in life. I barely knew who I was. I had different values, and different views on life itself. Being so young, I didn't know how hard life really was. I am so grateful I have been able to discover myself through all of my trials and errors. I am very different from the person I was 6 years ago. I am better. I have my feet grounded, and my head firm on my shoulders. Im not perfect, nor do I think I am. I am better than I was 6 years ago, though.


I have a plan. I know who I want to be. I know who and what I deserve to have in my life. I won't settle for less than what I deserve. The biggest life lesson I seem to have learned so far is, "No man is worth your tears unless they are tears of joy as you are staring into his eyes when you are getting sealed for eternity, or when he has helped you create the beauty of a family."

The climb.

She climbs, as though her life depended on it. She looks to the top, then down. She takes a deep breath and clenches her teeth. She knows this climb is hard, she knows she will make it to the top. She grabs a ledge, places her foot a step above from where it was. As she pulls, and pushes her self higher she moves her other hand to another ledge. As she checks to make sure its save to grasp onto she notices it might be a little loose, but she continues to put her faith on that little ledge, as if her life depended on it. She begins to move her foot a step higher to where her goal is. Taking a deep breath, she pushes herself up, and pulls, as she pulls the rock breaks off. She races to find another ledge to quickly grab onto, but she cant seem to find a good stable one, they all crumble before her eyes. She has so many thoughts racing through her mind, and all she can think about is that she has to make it to the top, she can get past this moment, and she can get to the top. With her other hand She grabs a ledge she had grabbed earlier, knowing that spot has already been checked. As she reaches for it with all her faith, she finally grasps it, as if her life depended on it. She dangles and notices her fingers can only hold on for so long. She screams, "NOOO!". She finds a couple of spots to rest her feet, and eventually grasps another ledge, with her other hand. She starts to whimper in disappointment. She feels a little defeated, and starts to doubt herself. She starts to wonder if she will even be able to make it to the top. She looks around her, she feels so small. She had gotten so far, and now has to start again. She rests her head on her arm, breathing heavily. She debates on whether it will be worth it when she gets to the top. Once she catches her breath, she takes a deep one, and looks up. She knows this spot, for she has already conquered it before. She moves her hand to a ledge slightly above it, checks it thoroughly to make sure her previous mistake doesn't happen again. She moves her foot up, and pulls herself slightly higher. She continues to move up, and each step gives her more and more confidence. She looks down and sees how far she has made it. She knows she can do this. She slows her pace this time, and checks each step she takes more thoroughly than before. She trusts herself, and trusts that she can make it to the top without falling again.

For once the focus is on: ME

Dear, You know who you are, I am not who I use to be. I have changed my life from when you knew me. I am not that person. You may think of me in such way, don't. Forget that person. That person is gone, they have been shed. I am a newer, better, more reformed person. I am a beautiful daughter of a Heavenly King. I am not innocent, I have learned. I am not perfect, nor to I intend on being. I have moved toward great works. I have decided that for once, I put the focus on ME. I am no longer surrounded around you. I no longer think about you the way you think I do.
I do not expect you in my life anymore, for you have walked away. I cannot change the things that have happened, but i can change my outlook on life. You are still living in this world where you think I am still trying to be in, well I am not. You can let that idea go, because I'm gone. Im done trying to fix things. Im done trying to make it better. I'm done focusing on you.
Because you are no longer in my life, i have seen things more clearly. I can breath. I know my future will be better, it will be free, free from you. This is my final "goodbye" although there is nothing to wish upon a goodness of saying bye to you. Farewell, only because i believe in karma.
May the wind be in your face, so sand will get in places you never knew existed. The sun in your eyes, so you will squint and get wrinkles faster. And May the rain fall upon your nicely kept suit, just because i think that would be funny. I wish a farewell upon your departure. My heart releases all of everything you meant to me, only to make room for someone who deserves it. I hope the door smashes your head on the way out, maybe it will pop it back to a normal humble size. Sincerely, The girl you never had, and will never see.

D&C 39:7-9

I have been thinking about blogging lately. I usually have these ideas pop up in my head, and i say, "That would be a good thing to blog about" and then i continue on with my day. So i do have the intention of blogging more, my time just puts a little pause on that intent. Oh boy!!! I am a new and improved woman!! I went through the Draper temple yesterday, to receive my endowments! YES! It happened, and i couldn't be happier. I feel like my entire life has finally landed on the right path. I have always loved the Church, the Gospel has been a roller coaster in my life though. I had to find out for myself if the Gospel was true. I can now say with a profound solid stance in my heart and mind that The Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints IS the TRUE gospel that was restored by Joseph Smith. I know that God has a marvelous work and glory in store for me. Because of the choices i made yesterday, i can feel the love of my Savior in my heart. I know that i am on the right path to receiving the benefits of living my life according to the doctrines of God. I have never felt the spirit of my Heavenly father so strongly before. There is no doubt in my mind that i will be in the Celestial Kingdom with my friends and family. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the bind needed on the books of life. There cannot be a single book that holds together without a binding. And adding the Gospel to ones life will do that, it is a Binding agent that can be applied and will hold a life together. It has taken me a while to figure this out, but now that i have, i feel free! There have been many people in my life that have thrown doubts at me, they have said i would never make it. They have even warned others of who i was. There is one thing i can tell you from that, I am no longer THAT person. I have become a better, stronger, more spiritual Sarah. I cannot change the choices i have made in my past. I choose to live in the future and to move forward with faith. I keep my testimony close to me, i keep it strong too. If there is a soul out there who needs to hear it, i will tell it. I will not lower myself to help someone who thinks they are better than me. I have come to realize that I need to stop trying to figure out my future. I am like that little kid on christmas who tries to find all the presents. Of which, i have actually done, it ended in disappointment because i knew what i was getting, so it was no longer fun. I am not saying that if i knew what my future held, it would not be fun...but if i knew, there would be no point in being here on earth. I cannot control what happens to me, but i can control where i go. I know that as long as i am going in the right direction, Heavenly Father will bless my life with what happens to me.

The title of this post has to do with what happened to me on Sunday, during sacrament. I was sitting there, and usually i just stare at the backs of peoples heads and think about what i would do to make it look better, but this time..i whipped out my phone and selected the scriptures D&C. I slid my finger up and down the screen a few times, fast enough that i couldn't see what the chapters were, then i just hit the screen with my finger and this was the chapter i landed on.

Cool huh?! Another sure sign, that this is the true Gospel!!!

I dare you.

Tell me I can't do something, and I can promise you; that I will try and prove to you I can. Tell me I won't make it, I will. Tell me you don't believe in me and I will make you, and all of your followers, a believer in me. This is a sure thing. I may struggle at times, and I may stop to take a breather every now and then. I will make it though. I have a belief inside of me so strong it can conquer all things said to be impossible. Just bring it out, and tell me I can't. I dare you. In 24 years I've been up, I've been down. I've been all around. Ive done things I would never wish to do again, and many things I plan on doing a thousand times more. I have been told I can't, and I did. I have conquered things impossible when those around me didn't believe I would. I am still surviving. I was told I wouldn't make it, and I see myself higher than those who spoke such solemn words. I live by motivation, and what motivates me most, is when you tell me I won't make it. I will Graduate school. I will go through the temple. I will find a husband, and yes, he will be superman. I will love with all I've got. I will conquer all things impossible, and make it believable. I promise this to you. Dare me.

2011 review

I would say 2011 wasn't full of my best memories. I would say 2011 was full of lots of heartache, but with heartache comes strength. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about where i need to be, and a lot about what i deserve in life. A year of strengthening must have been needed to prepare me for the times ahead. I wish i could say I'm done with being broken down just to be built back up stronger. I wish i could say I'm done with the heartaches, long cries, and sleepless nights. I wish i could say my life is complete. But it isn't. My life is far from complete. Im 24 and ready to take on the world with the armor I've gathered along this past year. I know who i am. I know what i want. I know where I'm going in life. For the first time i could say I'm on my path and I'm finally happy with it. This year i plan on continuing my life surrounded with my family and friends. I plan on going through the temple to receive my endowments..which i will be able to see my brother and his fiancé get sealed. I am super excited for it!! I also plan on graduating cosmetology school at the end of November. I do have the Goal of bettering myself with my relationships. My mind is more clear. I find even recently i have been able to rid myself of poisonous relationships before they begin. I have also been able to seek out those who i deserve to have in my life. I am ready for 2012. This year is going to be good, i can tell.

Letting my freedom ring.

I am a 23 year old female. I have lived through the ever expanding technology of Computers, and science. I have seen the beauty of the Mountains surround my state, from the comfort of my home nestled in the suburbs of Salt Lake city. I have been able to go to a public school, choose what classes i would like to take, and enjoy attending many school activities. I was also allowed to wear whatever i wanted, to school. I didn't have to fear for my life while walking to school, or take an extra route to avoid a certain part of town. I admit, my school wasn't Top Notch. We rarely made high rankings in our sports. I was lucky enough to go to school though, and so i am Grateful. In the 5 years after being out of public school i have explored my surroundings through choosing whichever job i wanted. I have had the opportunity to choose whichever lifestyle i want. I have seen the best of things, and the worse. I have been able to choose whichever food i feel like eating. I haven't been restricted, or scolded for what i have chosen to do. For all of that, I am Grateful. I have been able to try and attend College, 3 of them to be exact. Not all of them have worked out like i had hoped for, but i was able to CHOOSE to go. I am lucky enough to have been given the opportunity to find my talents in the beauty industry now. For that, i am Grateful. I am not perfect. I am not rich. I won't boast about how hard I've had to work for my money, or boast about what my job does for this country. I am an American. I have been given the opportunity to do whatever i feel like doing. Say, whatever i feel like saying. I am able to disagree, or agree, with certain people, and not be ridiculed, or thrown in jail. Im not the smartest person alive, nor do i try to be. I live my life as i want, because i CAN. If i feel there is a problem, i alter my life as much as i can to satisfy myself to be happier. For every person who wastes away a day of sadness, self pity, or ungratefulness. You loose a day of happiness. As for me, i choose to be HAPPY with what i have.