A conversation with God.

Me: Lord, please help me to be stronger, and to make better choices. Please help me to become the person that you need me to be.

God: Alright. Thy will be done, So long as you are prepared.

This is the part where I ask for something and I don't see the answer to the prayer until after I've had to take my piece of humble pie off the table of humility. I know that what I'm currently going through is a definite struggle, but after some recollection of what I've prayed about in the past, I can now see where I missed the conversation. I'm not saying that I don't keep my heart open because then I wouldn't be learning anything. I just think I have an idea of what I might want to hear, so I miss the actual answer. Or when I receive an answer, I sometimes get a funny look on my face and think
"uh...are you sure about that?"

After I miss the answer, or I just don't figure it out as quickly this is usually how it goes..

Me: Lord, my trials are getting hard. My burdens are heavy. I am not sure how much more I can take. I am feeling weak. Father, help me through this struggle.

God: My child, I am here for you, never forget. You asked me to make you stronger. The burdens may be heavy, but they will build you stronger and help you when you need to be your strongest. Hold onto the rod. Do not forget that this is all to better you. I know who you are, and who you are to become. Keep enduring, the fog will clear so long as you keep your faith in my hands.

I know trials are what builds faith and character. Without them, we wouldn't be able to move forward. We wouldn't learn and become better. If we were handed everything and never had a trial to face, or a leap to take, there would not be a plan of salvation. We would not have a Gospel to live by. We would not be here. God gave us the earth to learn, to progress, and to become the spiritual beings he intended on us becoming. He has a plan, included in his plan are trials because we need them to learn and to find out the truth of the Gospel and most of all, to build our relationship with our Heavenly Father so that it becomes so strong that the adversary trembles at the sight because he knows that bond cannot be broken once eternal salvation is reached.

I am often praying to the Lord to help me become better. I know I have my flaws and I know I can always improve on what I choose to do with my time. I'm no where near perfect and I know my perfection will only start to show through when I get to the other side. Sometimes I get so caught up in the world I tend to forget that I have prayed for help to become better, and then I feel bad because I know that I can pray as much as I want and the Lord hears my prayers and I know he wants to answer them and he wants to help me, but the problem is that I'm not doing anything on my part to make this happen. So I am trying.

For once the focus is on: ME

Dear, You know who you are, I am not who I use to be. I have changed my life from when you knew me. I am not that person. You may think of me in such way, don't. Forget that person. That person is gone, they have been shed. I am a newer, better, more reformed person. I am a beautiful daughter of a Heavenly King. I am not innocent, I have learned. I am not perfect, nor to I intend on being. I have moved toward great works. I have decided that for once, I put the focus on ME. I am no longer surrounded around you. I no longer think about you the way you think I do.
I do not expect you in my life anymore, for you have walked away. I cannot change the things that have happened, but i can change my outlook on life. You are still living in this world where you think I am still trying to be in, well I am not. You can let that idea go, because I'm gone. Im done trying to fix things. Im done trying to make it better. I'm done focusing on you.
Because you are no longer in my life, i have seen things more clearly. I can breath. I know my future will be better, it will be free, free from you. This is my final "goodbye" although there is nothing to wish upon a goodness of saying bye to you. Farewell, only because i believe in karma.
May the wind be in your face, so sand will get in places you never knew existed. The sun in your eyes, so you will squint and get wrinkles faster. And May the rain fall upon your nicely kept suit, just because i think that would be funny. I wish a farewell upon your departure. My heart releases all of everything you meant to me, only to make room for someone who deserves it. I hope the door smashes your head on the way out, maybe it will pop it back to a normal humble size. Sincerely, The girl you never had, and will never see.

I dare you.

Tell me I can't do something, and I can promise you; that I will try and prove to you I can. Tell me I won't make it, I will. Tell me you don't believe in me and I will make you, and all of your followers, a believer in me. This is a sure thing. I may struggle at times, and I may stop to take a breather every now and then. I will make it though. I have a belief inside of me so strong it can conquer all things said to be impossible. Just bring it out, and tell me I can't. I dare you. In 24 years I've been up, I've been down. I've been all around. Ive done things I would never wish to do again, and many things I plan on doing a thousand times more. I have been told I can't, and I did. I have conquered things impossible when those around me didn't believe I would. I am still surviving. I was told I wouldn't make it, and I see myself higher than those who spoke such solemn words. I live by motivation, and what motivates me most, is when you tell me I won't make it. I will Graduate school. I will go through the temple. I will find a husband, and yes, he will be superman. I will love with all I've got. I will conquer all things impossible, and make it believable. I promise this to you. Dare me.

Something to remember.

The worse thing in life is when you realize you have no where else to go but to face the reality of what you have been dreading the most. Its kind of like someone holding a mirror up to your face when you have a huge nasty zit the size of mars. Well, world, i appreciate the kind gesture that i have a huge ugly zit i need to face, but i really dont want to do this.

Last night i was talking to a friend, and i was starting to break down into a "poor me" phase of how my life sucks and blah, blah, blah. When, suddenly, it hit me like a bug in the eye going down the freeway on a fast motorcycle with-out a helmet on. I realized, I lost my grasp of ME. I dont know where i went, but im not here. I dont know who i am, or where im going. I am LOST. At first i was in denial. Did i really loose myself in 3 months of being with another person?? No...REALLY?!
Ugh. Sigh. GRRRR! Stupid!

So then, i was facing the fact that i am now going to have to re-find myself AGAIN! I was fine 3 months ago. I knew who i was, what i wanted out of life, and where i was going. It didnt matter what kind of bug, or zit, came my way. I was ready to take on the world, with my helmet and shoulder pads on, of course. Life has an interesting way of saying, "Well, Sarah, Thats awesome you feel that way. Now, Im going to throw a few obstacles in your way and see how you can take them!"

BAM! She is DOWN!!!!
Thanks life.

Well, now i guess i better get back up to find myself again. This time i hope life doesnt make it too hard again. Im loosing hope that i can be stronger, im getting older too so my energy is lower than it use to be. The best part about this is, Its not the first time ive been knocked down. I've obviously survived bee stings, elbow and knee scratches, fights with my brother, and my first taste of beer. This is NOTHING! I can do it, i know im in there somewhere. I just gotta figure out how to find ME again.

Perfect world.

In a perfect world...

We would all be free of financial obligations.
No one would draw lines of whose right, and whose wrong.
Peace and love and happiness would no longer be just a saying.
The sun would shine all day, the stars would glow all night.

In a perfect world....

Religion wouldnt be the answer, because there would be no wrong.
Everyone would accept everyone for who they are, and love unconditionally.
Wealth would be more popular.
Not a single soul would go to bed hungry.

In a perfect world...

Money would be the last thing on everyone's mind.
Loving the same sex would be accepted, because love, is love.
The latest trends would go unnoticed because we would all be perfect, in a perfect world.
Being perfect wouldnt mean to have botox, a hot tan, or a big label on your clothing.

In a perfect world...

We would all get a long.
Guns would sit on the shelf gathering dust.
The air would be clean, and plants would live.
Families would have their sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers and mothers home, because they are not needed for war.